Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I’m an independent contractor in tech support, and my schedule is completely unpredictable. Some days I’ll get multiple emergency calls from clients that take me out of the house for ten hours straight; other days are slow and I use them to catch up on billing and go run some errands. This was all fine until my wife retired. She was never very aware of my schedule because she worked a traditional 9 to 5 office job. Now she’s home all day and frustrated that I can’t keep her posted with my schedule in advance. She thought she’d have the house to herself all day to start a loud project, so why am I here? Or, what do you mean you can’t go out for lunch today – you’ve been free for lunch every other day this week? It’s causing a lot of irritation on her part, and frankly, on mine, too, because I don’t know how many times I can explain that I can’t give her my schedule, my “schedule” is to be available whenever clients need me. It’s getting to the point that I’m thinking of renting a coworking space just so work/home boundaries are clear, but that’s annoying too, because it means there are days I’d just be sitting in an empty office twiddling my thumbs. What’s reasonable from both of us in this situation?
—Unpredictable

Dear Unpredictable,

This sounds incredibly frustrating, and I want to extend some grace to your wife in this situation, because even if it was planned and something she wanted, retirement can be overwhelming! Suddenly having all of your days completely open is disorienting and a little scary, not to mention the loss of identity that comes along with leaving a long career. So I suspect that part of what is going on here is that your wife is feeling like she’s at loose ends, especially because you’re still working.

I think a couple things need to happen here. One is that your wife needs to get on some sort of schedule. Whether it’s a flower arranging class, a regular neighborhood walk with a friend, time at the library, or even just baking cookies at home—she needs to come up with a daily and weekly schedule for herself. That will help her feel more grounded and also let you know what she’s up to and what she’s planning. Second, it sounds like at least at this juncture she needs more check-ins from you and that you are at least making an effort to hang out with her. So maybe that means that, at the beginning of the day, you tell her, “It looks like it’s going to be a slower day—I see you have your watercolor class until 11, but if it’s still slow for me, want to grab lunch?” Or, “I just got a call from X client and they need me on site until 9 p.m.” Even if your schedule is not actually a schedule, I think that more communication from you will help.

Finally, it’s still early days. Give your wife a few more weeks (or even months) to settle into the rhythm of retirement. Hey, who knows—maybe you’ll join her soon.

Dear Good Job,

I work in a job where customers leave reviews for my service and have always received very favorable ones. Recently, however, I have been inundated with ones giving me the lowest possible rating. I couldn’t figure out what was going on until my sister-in-law clued me in: my mother-in-law “Iris” has been responsible and is trying to get me fired. Looking back, the timing of when the first of the negative reviews came in coincides with an argument I had with Iris. My husband and I have a 2-year-old son, and she accused me of being a bad mother for having him in daycare instead of being a SAHM. Not only do I want to work, I HAVE to work for the sake of my family’s economic survival! When I told my husband what I learned from his sister and asked him to confront his mother, he said that maybe she was wrong. My SIL is NOT wrong–Iris bragged to her about what she’s been up to. How should I go about protecting myself if my sniveling wuss husband won’t stand up for me?
—Sabotaged

Dear Sabotaged,

Do you ever read the subreddit r/JUSTNOMIL? It’s just stories of mothers-in-law from hell. So first, if you’re not familiar, I’d suggest toodling over to commiserate with some fellow havers of awful mothers-in-law.

Now that you know you’re not alone, let’s talk about what to do about it. First, contact whichever platform she’s leaving these reviews on and ask for them to be taken down. You can likely find guidelines for how to get reviews removed (for example, here are the steps to get a Google review taken down). Second, please have your sister-in-law reach out to your husband to clarify that she actually heard Iris bragging (!!!) about leaving you these negative reviews. He needs to stand up to his mother and tell her that what she’s doing isn’t OK. And if he doesn’t, you’ve unfortunately gotten a very clear signal about who he’s always going to put first.

It’s always so disappointing when grown adults act like the most obnoxious teenagers. I don’t know Iris at all, but it sounds like adolescence is about where her emotional growth stopped.

Dear Good Job,

A female colleague recently confided in me that a male coworker—someone at a higher level than both of us—had propositioned her for sex. When she told me, I made a point to listen without minimizing or making excuses for his behavior, and I encouraged her to report it through our company’s sexual harassment hotline.

Beyond that, I wasn’t sure how much further to go. Since I hadn’t witnessed the incident myself, and since she is an adult who deserves to make her own decisions, I didn’t push harder. I also held back from confronting the person she accused, worried that doing so might alert him to a potential HR investigation—or worse, give him an opportunity to intimidate her into staying quiet.

As it turns out, it seems she never made that call to HR. Looking back, I wonder if I should have done more, but I’m genuinely unsure what the right course of action would have been. Do you have any thoughts on how I could have handled this better?

—Lost in Office Politics

Dear Lost in Office Politics,

I think it’s really important to note that one of your colleagues trusts you enough to confide in you. That really speaks to you being an empathetic and kind person in your office. And it sounds like in the moment, you did handle it well—as you point out, you listened without minimizing or making excuses for his behavior, and you encouraged her to report it through your company’s sexual harassment hotline. I’m sure your responses helped make her feel safe with you.

Also, I think you were right to not confront the person she accused, but letting HR know about what she’d told you is a little more complicated. I would consult your employee handbook—is this a situation where you are a mandated reporter? If she reports to you, then it’s likely that you are.

Finally, I don’t think it’s too late to be there for her. Check in with her and see how she’s doing. It’s not too late for her, or you, to report what happened. Make it clear to her that you’ll support her whatever she decides, but you can also be an advocate for her if she does decide to report. Maybe you can help her compose an email to HR, or sit with her while she talks through whether she wants to let them know. It’s possible that she’s reconsidered and needs to know she has an ally. You can be that person for her.

—Doree

More Work Advice From Slate

How do I “look busy”? I work in an office, and rule number one is to “look busy at all times.” Except that my role is limited, and our department definitely has a slow season where there isn’t much for me to do in my role. Add to that a few co-workers who get peeved when I try to help outside my role, managers who are often too busy to train me on new things, and I end up with lots of time on my hands, especially in the slow season. Everyone says “look busy” like it’s easy, but I don’t know how and desperately need to learn.

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