Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I am in education in a literacy position where I work with school teams. I have a team that is almost silent in meetings and recently refused to attend a meeting I was leading.

They keep saying it’s because of contract hours and planning allotments, but I can’t help but feel like it’s personal. I am new to this school, but I have over 15 years of experience, so I’m not new to the role. The math version of my role has not had quite the same level of disengagement; she has been here much longer than I. The rapport I have with the other five teams I support is great! However, no matter how I tweak the agendas, ask for input, or offer to help, this team won’t budge. How can I break through to them and make our time together useful?

—Literacy Lamenter

Dear Literacy Lamenter,

No wonder it feels personal that this team rejects your efforts. It is personal; it’s happening to you. But it’s not about you. This team might have so much internal tension that they can’t stand to be in a meeting together. Maybe they had a bad experience with your predecessor. They might think they know it all already and attending meetings is just wasting their time. Or it could really be as straightforward as what they’ve told you: Their working hours and training times are already used up.

You could tell this team that you’re available whenever they do have time, and focus on the other five teams instead. If they’ve been feeling pressured to attend your meetings, letting them choose whether or when to meet might give them a sense of agency. Plus, they might realize they’re missing out when they see that the other five teams are thriving. You could ask the person leading the math meetings how they built their relationship with the reluctant team. You already suggested tweaks to your agenda and asked the leave-me-alone team for input, but you might try suggesting bigger changes. Could you meet less frequently but more intensively? If the team is full of internal conflicts, they might not want to speak in front of one another, so ask them individually, as you put it, how to “make your time together useful.” That’s a nice phrasing; it respects their time and reminds them that you’re here to do a job, too.

—Laura

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